Category Archives: Practical Philosophy

PIGs & HOGs: DnA 38th Wedding Anniversary 

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We were both 29 when we stood in the cool sunshine at the Fremont Older Preserve, near Cupertino California, and spoke our wedding vows.  

Thirty-eight sun-circlings have passed since that April 27 in 1985, and we have managed to stay together. We’re enjoying our partnership as much as ever (most of the time😜). Along the way, we lived in separate houses for about four years while we fine-tuned our dance together. Naturally enough, there’s ongoing choreographing. That turned out to be a useful strategy, reflected in three acronyms we use to describe our “relationshipping:” 

PIGs: Partners In Growth.

HOGs: Happy Optimistic Geezers (Originally Happy Old Geezers. We think there’s a more apt phrase, and welcome any suggestions. 

DnA ((Simply Dave n Andrea)

We moved to Fayetteville, Arkansas, home of the University of Arkansas Razorbacks, in 1993, hence the porcine acronyms. 

Old Dog’s Ditty

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Old Dog’s Ditty (Bare bones version)
Old dog’s on the deck: Dave with Daimin on the furry one’s last day above ground, September 15, 2008.

I wrote this song back in Hawaii for our friends’ old dog Vember (born in November), who was on his last legs back in the late 1980’s. A couple decades later, I started thinking of myself and all of us aging humans as somewhat like old dogs. This came to me after looking in the mirror and actually noticing all the wrinkles, spots, sags and such. Then it came to me that with most of our beloved pets, we still love them even if they start slowing down, having accidents, and otherwise losing their youthful exuberance. So I started calling myself “Old Dog Dave” when I need a little consolation for the various aches, pains, and other downhill sliding. It usually makes me smile.

Here’s a link to the chords and lyrics, in case you want to sing and/or play along. It follows the “3 chords and the truth” formula for a folk song. I tried to paste those here, but it goofed up the location of the chords.

This showed up today in the New Yorker daily newsletter I get for free. I like the cartoons.

Following Fears

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I woke up last Friday wondering about an expression my friend Glenn shared with me, “follow your fears.” It dawned on me that when I think about drawing, I feel uneasy. I actually enjoy doodling, but there’s something in me that gets butterflies when I sit down to sketch. A bit later, during our morning ritual with my wife Andrea, I  sketched this cartoon instead of using words to express what I was appreciating. We each write appreciated things down on one side of a 3×5 card cut in half, keep them in a bin, and read the ones from this year and last year (from a separate bin) aloud after we meditate. It’s one of our healthier habits.

Critters Wondering Cartoon

I drew it in my journal while she was appreciating on her side of the card. After we read aloud our cards, she added a few strokes to make the possum look less like a big rat. I added the pill bug later (a “bug” that is actually a terrestrial crustacean!) .

That’s the actual lamp in our “Buddha Room” where we practice awareness and appreciation. That cartoon, and this post, which could be polished up in numerous ways, are a bit out of my comfort zone. I do relate with these animal allies and their musings. I’m glad I drew what came to me. May we all experiment with befriending our fears, maybe starting with their cousins anxiety, ambiguity, and ambivalence.

Time ease?

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“Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.” — Henry David Thoreau in Walden

“Time is but a stream I am a-drowning in.” — David Christopher Fournet in Swimming Upstream and Swatted by Grizzlies

person holding hour glass

I figure I have a throng of company in feeling  time scarcity and/or  project profusion, which I reckon are different sides of the same clock. I do manage to have periods in which I’m at ease with this dance. I’d like to know what you do (or not do) to promote ease and flow with time and tasks. I’m willing to experiment and report my results.

Death as a Punctuation Mark

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Plants at E window

I was just doing some stretching and moving in our family room, looking out of the picture window past our house plants gathered there for the morning sun. As I stretched, I spontaneously said aloud, “Tally (my recently deceased uncle Howard), if you can hear me, I want to tell you that I really appreciate the way you always greeted me with warmth and enthusiasm. I’m also grateful for the friendship you and my dad shared, and how much you both acknowledged that, before and after he died. I’m also thankful for the times you, aunt Betty, and various combinations of your kids took I and my brother Tommy along with y’all on adventures—to the camp on the bayou, to Whiskey Chitto Creek, and to Fatima high school football games when I was still too young to play.”

I don’t know if Tally lives on after death, or, if he does, if he could or would listen to my words. All the same, I felt a stirring in my heart as I spoke them, some moisture in my eyes, even as I do now as I type this—smiles, tears, and some other unnamable ingredients in the emotional gumbo, sweet with a bite.

A friend of mine reported the other day at our early morning mindful men’s meeting that it was a two-funeral day for him. He also shared that such times actually give him opportunity to feel more connected to the departed ones, and also to other living people. I also often find that true. In our discussion, I mentioned that sometimes I look at death as a punctuation mark. As I think more about that, I realize that death often brings more like an assorted collection of punctuation marks for me.

When someone dies, something certainly seems to change. I’m not sure what exactly. Is death a comma (not “coma” as I just read in reviewing)? Does life, does awareness continue on in some way? Or is it more like a period, the end of consciousness, a turning off of the computer for good? I wonder. I’ve had no experiences so far that suggest that I’ll be aware after I die. At the same time, I’m open to whatever adventures might arise. Oh yeah, and I do talk to people who’ve died, expressing gratitude and sometimes asking questions even. It helps me here and now, even without faith or confidence that I’m connecting.

Meanwhile, I figure that the kind of person I’d be after I die would be much like or the same as the character I am now. So, it makes sense to me to “live like you were dying,” as Tim McGraw’s song puts it. A key ingredient for me in that is savoring the flow of experiences moment by moment. I even remember to do that sometimes. I think of it as fruit there for the picking. Telling others how they brighten my life also tends to bring smiles inside and out. I probably remember to do that less than the savoring part. Opportunity! Thankfully, I told uncle Tally more than once how I valued him, including the time he shared similar sentiments with my father the afternoon my pop took his last breath.,!?

C-ing (seeing) Communication

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November 18, 2016

mj-uku

My wife and I are back from a four-day trip to CA to visit her mom, who is in her final chapter, maybe paragraphs, of life. What follows is a slightly edited version of notes I dictated this morning to my phone. After taking out the obvious goofy translations, I decided to post this to this blog, because, why not? No one need read it, but one can if it’s here, so, here it is. Editing is by far the most challenging aspect of writing for me (probably living, too!). If I publish a book or an essay, I’ll invest time in concision. For now, I’m simply going to share what I’m doing in this less-refined way, and see how that goes.

Among other things, I’m getting back to exploring, examining, reviewing, and thinking about communication. I’m renewing my R&D of Clarifying, Caring, Curious Communicating (“C-ing Communicating.” There are many other C words that go well before ‘communicating’, so I’m experimenting with simply calling it “C-ing –pronounced “seeing”– Communicating or Communication.” More later on that). I’m exploring how I can, how we can communicate better, and how that can foster flourishing and enjoyment for all of us.

One important element is learning to communicate using those “C” qualities with myself, that is, between the various points of view and patterns in this particular brain-mind-body. There is seemingly one particular, conscious, verbal aspect of mind that wants to call itself “I.” And the other Pods (Parts of Dave) appear to be fine with that. I applied that self-talk this morning as my “jackal” element (cf. NVC, which uses a Jackal to stand for that part of us which is aggressive, critical, impatient, etc.) was quite agitated about me not getting into gear. “We” had a “conversation” out loud, which led me eventually to prioritize this researching, writing and sharing about communication, in front of getting into the weekly review of getting things done, and getting things organized.

One of the essential elements of that conversation was to understand what Jackal was saying, feeling, and wanting. I ended up putting the clerical work that he was agitated about after this communication R&D, and at the same time “he” seemed fine about that, because he knows I’ll get to the processing of papers and other matters afterward with renewed enthusiasm.

This R&D process can be seemingly messy, which is to say that when one explores things that are not set in stone or completely understood, which many things are, especially in the realm of psychology and communication and wiggly subjects like that, there is no clear map. That was a long sentence.

So, communicating, and learning about communicating, is a practice, a skill that builds on itself, and that we learn to do over time, along with practicing with other people, and listening and being curious about ourselves.

So what am I doing? I’m learning about, researching, and applying, all that I reasonably can about communicating, influence, compliance, negotiation, and related matters. I’m sharing what I find in person, and with as widespread as I reasonably can. Or unreasonably can. May we have clarifying, caring, curious conversations: “C-ing communication.”

Curious Connecting Communication

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I continue my R&D of curious, connecting, candid, clear, caring communication. I enjoy alliteration, and in this case, the words describe some of  the most effective ways of communicating. I’m currently reviewing my Kindle notebook of highlighted passages and my own notes from the book Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most.

I feel fortunate to have discovered this book, which springs from the  same group of people that created the book Getting to Yes and related titles. I read that book a couple of times along the way, and found it very practical and valuable in the sometimes-tricky business of communicating. I’m finding Difficult Conversations even more helpful on a daily basis. I’m also experiencing, as with ideas and practices from Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships (Rosenberg), that actually communicating well and enjoyably can be challenging, and takes practice. And there are lots of opportunities to practice. May your communicating be creative and congenial.

Plane Crazy

Colorful communicating companions in Costa Rica

Brevity

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Brevity | ‘brevədē| noun

Concise and exact use of words in writing or speech.

• shortness of time: the brevity of human life.

PHRASES: 

Brevity is the soul of wit —proverb 

i.e. the essence of a witty statement lies in its concise wording and delivery.[from Shakespeare’s Hamlet ii. ii. 90.]

ORIGIN:

 late 15th cent.: from Old French brievete, from Latin brevitas, from brevis ‘brief.’

–From the dictionary on my MacBook: Version 2.2.1 (178)

The “Iterate Fast and Release Often” Approach

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I was just listening to Rolf Potts and Tim Ferriss talking about their agonizing processes of writing, and it started me wondering, “Might I actually write something right now and share it, which is to say, put it online at the least and let others read it or not read as they like?” Why not? So, here I am, writing, no? Yes. I read something yesterday that probably applies here, to writing in general maybe, though it was originally directed to businesses. Reid Hoffman, the founder of LinkedIn, said,

“If you are not embarrassed by the first version of your product, you’ve launched too late.”

Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/the-iterate-fast-and-release-often-philosophy-of-entrepreneurship-2009-11#ixzz3bXv1CjWW

Then another idea came into mind: open up GarageBand and start recording songs I’ve written, and do the same thing–publish them, make them available for others to hear. Why not? Might be fun, satisfying, and who knows? Others might enjoy and otherwise benefit from something I create. Ditto for interviews, videos, and whatever other kinds of expressions this one might generate. So, look, ma, I renewed writing with the intention of sharing the ideas. And now, I’m going to schedule a Pomodoro for making music, specifically for getting the wheels turning again on recording to share.

IMG_2113And then I did just that. It had been months and years since I’ve done any recording, so there was some initial befuddlement and frustration. I persisted, and started recording. Then I took a break from that and resumed my actual garage streamlining project. I’ll probably go back and forth.